I’m sure you’ve heard of the 5 languages of passion. If not, this is a book that breaks down the most loved ways we feel. Generally we all feel pretty good, but generally there is a force that allows us to feel very loved. When you get the complete experience of getting the one love language that really talks to you, it feels like fireworks in your mind going off and Couples Counseling makes sense.

The 5 Love Languages are: 

• Words of affirmation 
• Physical touch 
• Quality Time 
• Acts of service 
• Gifts 

I see people talking a bit with their languages of love. I would hear something like how come you never write me poems or send me flowers?  Then the other would say something like I tried to write your poems before but you never seemed to like them in the past. Another would say you never buy me jewelry, and the other would say because you don’t wear jewelry.

Have you been watching what happened there? The other partner begins mentioning different love languages that they follow, not the one that their partner primarily asks for.  So, reading this is a challenge for you. Think hard about what seems to call for the most from your partner and be glad to receive it. Do you have a sense of the culture of their love? Okay, good.

Now, a bigger question–ask yourself why you are struggling to give them the language of love. Aren’t you feeling great when you put words into feelings? Is physical contact the last thing on the list after a long day of hundreds of obligations? Is it that quality time just doesn’t mean to you that much so that you don’t have to plan things? Is it that in a long time you feel that you are in a gap and have not felt loved?

It’s quite understandable that we’re not all made to bring what they need easily to our partners. However, I think we can make those excuses for ourselves and not push ourselves to reflect on the needs of our partner.  When you gave yourself an out and are shocked when your partner blows up again about not getting their language of love, try this. Do a self-inventory analysis of why the need for your partner is a problem for you. Then share this information with your partner.  This may be difficult to do if you haven’t done an exercise like this before, but it will most certainly help make your relationship stronger and better. I think we’re afraid we’re not going to be able to give our partner what they need so much that we’re just silent on the subject. Then they don’t think we AT ALL care about it or we’re really conscious of their need. It can be a long way to help bridge the gap by expressing your awareness and explaining your thinking process. If you are not able to heal your relationship with this article, then seek a professional’s help with Couples Counseling from Mosaic Tree Counseling.